Ears to Hear

Reflections on the date of May 17, 1976 and May 17, 2026

My stepdaughter graduates from high school today in the Class of 2026, like many of you. She is an impressive young person – her first seven years of school were in Thailand and the last five here in the states. Twice, she was my student in a science class that I taught. But I can’t take any credit; she taught herself much more than what I taught her. My greatest role was to encourage her.

Her Project Graduation is tonight, and it reminds me of the equivalent event in my day.

I had admired Vicki from afar all through high school. She was smart, cute, classy and international. But I never got the nerve to talk with her. Then, at our Project Graduation party, she must have smiled at me or something, and we talked most of the night. Soon after, though, I went away to CGA. We did keep in touch for a while. I’m thankful for the chance to know her a little bit.

My confession is that I felt a lot of fear in my interactions with the opposite sex in those days. Looking back on it, I think this stemmed from a more basic fear of not measuring up. The locker room talk in my day was crude boasting about sexual conquests, physical anatomy, and that sort of thing. (How is it today, I wonder?) The unspoken message was that the only was to be a winner as a man was to have sex with a large number of beautiful women. Guys like me were losers.

This belief system was probably the root cause of the misogyny experienced by the courageous female cadets who took up residence in Chase Hall in the summer of 1976. What they experienced (See Kathy Hamblett’s excellent article “Freak of Nature“) included voyeurism, condescension, crude propositions and worse. I was probably not the worst offender, but I did nothing to stop the injustice, either.

I was living in fear. It’s not uncommon, even among the kings of the locker room jungle.

The opposite of fear is _____.

Fear is at the root of most of my dysfunctional behaviors. My anger is often rooted in fear. Anxiety, depression, isolation, over-compensation…I’m afraid the list is very long.

I want to share a passage from John’s first letter because it helped me a lot. John was an old man like me when he wrote words to this effect: “Fear not, because fear has to do with punishment, and God’s perfect love drives out fear.”

“Fear not.” I often meditate on these words.

The opposite of fear is not courage, but joy. Joy, like fear, is a fundamental human emotion. Courage is a choice, not an emotion. Joy displaces fear.

I no longer live in fear of not measuring up. Instead, I now take joy in living for the purposes for which I was made. Part of that is mentoring you, 2030, both male and female.

I mentor many people now, and it seems to make a difference. The feeling I have is like being on a beam reach with steady wind filling my sails. I am propelled by a power not my own.

My advice is to seek the One who has power over death and fear.

If you need help, that is what I am here for.

Sincerely,

Robert Aleph