Ears to Hear

Reflections on the date of June 29, 1976

In my day, long hair was a statement. It began as a form of protest against the war in Vietnam, as if to say, “Hell no, I won’t go.” Hair the musical hit Broadway in 1968. At first, the older generation sneered at long-haired men, but by 1976 it was somewhat normalized.

Mine was shoulder length, not that radical. Still, I felt the loss that day I stepped off the barber’s chair at CGA. By the time I retired 30 years later, most of my hair had fallen out, so I still keep it short.

Hair. Does it make the man? (or woman?)

As I reflect on this question, it brings to mind my struggle to maintain some sense of identity during that first grueling year as a swab. After all, we were told that the point of our training (hazing) was to break us down and then build us up in the academy image. They called it the “farm” in those days, as if we were heads of lettuce.

“Who am I?” is one of the big hairy questions we all must find the answer to (Men’s Fraternity | Home)

Two stereotypes emerged for cadets in my day. You were either a “sweat” or a “slacker.” A sweat lived to follow the rules to the nth degree. A slacker lived to follow the rules to the least extent possible. Slackers were more popular than sweats.

It’s a false dichotomy, though: a logical distortion, a fallacy of thinking that things must be all one way or the other. The truth is often dual. Human nature is an example: we all are both good and bad in some ways. Leland R. Beaumont (Emotional Competency – Explore the Logic of Passion) writes, “A clever Zen master teaches his students to reject a false dichotomy and go beyond polarized thinking with the following challenge. He places a cup of tea before the student, then says ‘If you drink that cup of tea, I will beat you with a stick, and if you don’t drink that cup of tea I will beat you with a stick.’ The student has to reject the false dichotomy, recognize options other than the two presented, and create other alternatives, such as offering the tea to the instructor, or asking his advice, to avoid punishment.”

So, how to navigate the sweat/slacker situation? Honestly, I was stuck in the false dichotomy during my cadet days. I was pretty much a sweat as a swab and 3/c year, then a slacker after my fall from grace. But since then, I’ve learned a few things.

The answer is neither. Both sweats and slackers are reacting to external factors. The sweat is seeking rewards from the system, the slacker is giving it the finger. The third way is to find intrinsic motivation. Do your best because you sincerely believe in what you are doing. Haircuts are not for scoring points but for serving a purpose. With the right way of thinking, you can actually enjoy being a squared away sailor.

Who am I? One way of looking at that question is that your true identity is not to be found in anything that can be taken away from you: hair, rank, peoples’ opinions of you. Your true identity is rooted in what stays with you after losing those things: what you think and believe, your intrinsic gifts, your character.

Things started to turn around for me when I found my identity in Jesus. The real change happened 30 years later, after I had lost many of those external things. I did a lot of soul searching and desperate prayer, then something amazing happened. On my knees, I asked, “Are you my Father?” I heard the answer in my mind, in a voice not my own: “I AM.”

After I leaned into this reality, my gifts were revealed to me. One of them is mentoring, which is why I am highly motivated to participate in the Link in the Chain program.

When I live to serve His purposes, there’s no question of being a sweat or a slacker. I am His. Even if I don’t have hair.

Yours truly,

Robert Aleph